Between 17 and 27, you’re bombarded with questions: What’s my career? Who are my people? And, most fundamentally, who am I? Understanding the difference between gender identity (who you are) and sexual orientation (who you love) is a game-changer for knowing yourself and respecting others.
Figuring out who you are is a core project of your late teens and twenties. Understanding the distinct roles of gender identity and sexual orientation is a powerful tool for self-discovery, building authentic relationships, and advocating for yourself and others.
Gender identity, sexual orientation, and broader identity are especially fluid and exploratory for many 17–27-year-olds. There is considerable variability in when and how people “settle” on stable labels or roles.
This period—often called emerging adulthood—is a key window for exploration in relationships, work, beliefs, and self-concept, including gender and sexuality.
This generation is finding its way in a world with more language and visibility around LGBTQ+ topics than ever before, which can be both liberating and confusing. In this insight, I aim to provide some clarity.
What Is Gender Identity?
Sex is the term to refer to the biological differences between males and females, such as the genitalia and genetic differences.
Gender identity is one’s self-conception of their gender. It’s your deeply held, internal sense of your own gender. It’s the answer to the question you ask yourself: ‘Who am I?’: man, woman, both, neither, or something else entirely. You can think of it as the core “software” you’re running on, regardless of the “hardware” (your body assigned at birth) or the “apps” you use (clothing, hobbies).
Gender refers to the socially constructed characteristics of women and men, such as norms, roles, and relationships between groups of women and men [1].
It’s important to separate that from sex assigned at birth (the label on your birth certificate) and gender expression (how you show your gender through clothes, hair, and mannerisms).
Cisgender is an umbrella term that describes people whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex, while transgender is a term used to describe people whose sense of personal identity does not correspond with their birth sex.
Gender Is a Spectrum and Identity Is Fluid
Gender is a spectrum for many emerging adults. Terms such as non-binary, genderqueer, and genderfluid are valid identities that reflect a more expansive understanding beyond just “man” or “woman.”
Gender identity development is increasingly understood as non-linear and shaped by both internal felt sense and interactional/social processes (peers, family, online communities, and access to affirming language and care).
There are multiple pathways: some young people experience early, persistent dysphoria; others describe a more gradual or “late” recognition. This often develops with puberty, social comparisons, or exposure to LGBTQ+ communities [2].
It’s common to feel fluidity and uncertainty around gender. This can extend into late adolescence and young adulthood, particularly as cultural norms about gender become more flexible and diverse identities gain visibility.
This matters for young adults as they question norms they have grown up with, and decide how to show up in the world.
Sexual Orientation and Trajectories
While gender identity is about you, sexual orientation is about your attraction to others and who you’re romantically, emotionally, and/or physically attracted to. It’s the answer to: “Who do I want to build a connection with?” ” A person’s orientation is often described in relation to their own gender identity (e.g., a lesbian is a woman attracted to women).
Awareness of sexual orientation (attraction, not just behavior) often begins in middle childhood or early adolescence, but many people do not fully label or disclose their orientation until late adolescence or adulthood.
Longitudinal studies show diverse sexual orientation trajectories, including primarily other-sex, primarily same-sex, and bisexual patterns, with many sexual minority individuals reporting at least one change in identity label across adolescence and young adulthood [3].
Specific orientations are defined in many ways, including [4]:
- Heterosexuality (attraction to the opposite sex/gender)
- Same-sex attraction
- Bisexuality
- Polysexuality
- Pansexuality (attraction to two, multiple, or all sexes/genders respectively)
- Asexuality (no sexual attraction to any sex/gender)
Some researchers conceptualize sexual orientation as potentially fluid across the life course for a subset of people, including shifts in attraction, behavior, and labels in response to relationships and social context.
How They Intertwine to Build Your Identity
These two aspects coexist and interact to shape your personal story. They are different pieces of the same puzzle. For example:
- A transgender man (his gender identity) who is exclusively attracted to women has a straight/heterosexual orientation.
- A non-binary person attracted to men might identify as androsexual or queer.
While labels can be empowering and provide community, they can also feel limiting. Encourage exploration. “Your job as a young adult isn’t to find the perfect label, but to listen to your own feelings and experiences.”
These concepts are all embedded within the larger framework of personal identity, which also includes your values, culture, interests, and life experiences. Gender and sexuality are very important, but not the whole story.
Identity Processes and Mental Health
Identity exploration and resolution in emerging adulthood are linked to well-being; stronger identity commitment is associated with better psychosocial functioning. Prolonged uncertainty can bring distress, though “late bloomers” often catch up over time.
Gender-diverse and sexual minority youth experience minority stress (stigma, rejection, and discrimination). This interacts with the process of developing an overall identity and can influence mental health risks and resilience [2].
Supportive relationships, affirming environments, and access to appropriate health care during this period can help cope with stress and promote positive growth in both identity development and overall health [5].
Your Journey, Your Power
So one aspect (gender) is about self, the other (sexual orientation) about attraction. Questioning, exploring, and even changing how you identify over time is completely normal and part of the journey.
So it’s helpful to practice self-curiosity with kindness and patience. This knowledge builds empathy. Understanding these distinctions allows you to be a better friend, partner, and ally by respecting how others define themselves.
You are the author of your identity. Understanding these terms gives you a better vocabulary to write your story.
How Engage Young Adult Transitions Can Help
At Engage, we are ready to support you in our welcoming community if you identify as LGBTQ+.
Engage Young Adult Transitions is a transitional living program and therapeutic community that assists young adults on their path to independence. Using attachment theory, we provide a foundation for forming connections, getting involved with the community, managing mental health, and building life skills for long-term success.
Engage offers structured autonomy and high support, without creating dependence. Our therapists and life coaches are here to honor the young adults’ need to gain independence and freely move to a more secure sense of self and their relationships.
Located just steps from Southern Utah University in Cedar City, we offer access to services seven days a week, including academic support, vocational training, career guidance, life skill coaching, mental health therapies, and recreational activities.
Our community offers high levels of therapeutic support that honor autonomy and independence while guiding young adults to a life of freedom, emotional wellness, and success.
Get involved with the Engage Transitions community today!
Sources
[1] Universities of Wisconsin. Gender Identity. Middle Childhood and Adolescent Identity.
[2] Pullen Sansfaçon, A., et al. (2020). “I knew that I wasn’t cis, I knew that, but I didn’t know exactly”: Gender identity development, expression and affirmation in youth who access gender affirming medical care. International journal of transgender health, 21(3), 307–320.
[3] Marino, J., et al. (2023). Childhood and Adolescence Gender Role Nonconformity and Gender and Sexuality Diversity in Young Adulthood. JAMA pediatrics, 177(11), 1176–1186.
[4] Paris, Ricardo, Rymond, & Johnson. nd. 15.8: Development of Sexual Identity. College of the Canyons.
[5] Mitchell, L. et al., S. K. (2021). Implications of identity resolution in emerging adulthood for intimacy, generativity, and integrity across the adult lifespan. Psychology and aging, 36(5), 545–556.